He is risen! (part 2)

Next on the hit list is Nicky Gumbel. Now, many of you may not have heard of him before, but he’s the developer and leader of the controversial Alpha Course, a series of classes and talks aimed at converting people to evangelical Christianity which just so happen to have a worldwide following and attendance. Nicky is a vicar at the Holy Trinity Brompton Church in central London, and to give him his dues, he’s a fairly engaging and charismatic speaker. But charisma can be a dangerous thing.

I’ve always been extremely sceptical of the Alpha Course and it’s methods., which border on brainwashing in their execution. It’s main prerogative seems to be conversion rather than discussion and it rather cynically prays on vulnerable people to achieve those goals. Case and point, when attending the course, at the half way mark members are invited to attend a day long or weekend getaway. This is the most controversial aspect of the course in my eyes as the main topic is the Holy Spirit, with the weekend getaway used as an opportunity to let the Holy Spirit enter your body, resulting in Glossolalia or speaking in tongues. Now we can all agree that even amongst other branches of Christianity, speaking in tongues is viewed with a very critical, suspicious and down right mocking eye, and rightly so. But it’s the act of taking it’s members away together, out of familiar surroundings that I have real problems with. It reeks of cult like behaviour, and having witnessed this particular part of the alpha course on a televised introduction a few years ago, I can see why.

You get a group of suggestible and vulnerable people together in one place then you can achieve a lot. People begin to speak in tongues and at first you feel awkward. It sounds insane and must look even worse; people lolling their heads back and spouting nonsense. More and more people join in. You feel even more awkward. But you don’t want to look like a failure. You don’t want to let the course leaders down. The noise levels increase and a sense of hysteria builds. The pressure is immense. Mob rule takes over and you join in. After all, no one wants to feel left out. I had to rely on second hand accounts from the course participants (some positive, quite a few concerned and confused at what had happened) because the good Mr. Gumbel would rather the actual event wasn’t filmed……funny that, isn’t it?

But, that’s by and by. The main subject of this entry is Mr. Gumbel’s views on homosexuality. It should come as no surprise that he isn’t the most liberal of supporters (what member of an archaic, abrahamic religion is!?) but I do feel the need to point out how fucking ridiculous he is being. What follows is an extract from a Guardian article by the journalist Jon Ronson, documenting his time with the Alpha course:

  “I was talking to a homosexual friend,” says Tony, “and he said that ever since he was a child he found himself attracted to other boys. So why does the church think he’s committing a sin? Are you going to Hell if you commit a sexual act that is completely normal to you? That seems a bit unfair, doesn’t it?” 

There is a murmur of agreement from the group.

“First of all,” says Nicky, “I have many wonderful homosexual friends. There’s even an Alpha for gays running in Beverly Hills! Really! I think it’s marvellous! But if a paedophile said, ‘Ever since I was a child I found myself attracted to children’, we wouldn’t say that that was normal, would we?”

A small gasp.

“Now, I am not for a moment comparing homosexuals with paedophiles, but the Bible makes it very clear that sex outside marriage, including homosexual sex, is, unfortunately, a sin.”

He says he wishes it wasn’t so, but the Bible makes it clear that gay people need to be healed.

“Although I strongly advise you not to say the word ‘healed’ to them,” he quickly adds. “They hate that word.”

 http://www.guardian.co.uk/theguardian/2000/oct/21/weekend7.weekend

Nicky, Nicky, Nicky! Where do I start!? To be fair, let me jump to your defence. I mean, those whiny Gays and their ‘feelings’, blowing everything out of proportion at the prospect of getting healed. God, lighten up you homos! The bible makes it pretty clear! No butt sex for you!!!

Now, if that wasn’t vile enough, we have a real humdinger up next:

”But if a paedophile said, ‘Ever since I was a child I found myself attracted to children’, we wouldn’t say that that was normal, would we? Now, I am not for a moment comparing homosexuals with paedophiles…..’’ actually Nicky, that’s EXACTLY what you are doing. What this shows is just how grossly ignorant, ill-informed and offensive Nicky Gumbel is. On the one hand, we have the act of having sex with someone who is under the age of consent…WHICH IS ILLEGAL. On the other, we have the act of two consenting adults having sex with each other, which, as far as I’m aware, IS LEGAL here in the real world.

Fuck Nicky Gumbel and the bullshit he spouts. Ok, he sugar coats his bigotry with the cloak of ‘Love the sinner, hate the sin!’ but that makes it all the more insidious in my eyes. His book, Searching Issues is full of outrageous lies and dangerous hyperbole on the subject of homosexuality.

“He [God] did not design our bodies for homosexual intercourse.”

Actually, stimulation of the male prostate can be extremely pleasurable and itself is essential for ejaculation. It’s no accident that it’s referred to as the male ‘G-spot’. You want to give it a bash Nicky, you never know, you may enjoy having your prostate examined. And you don’t have to jump straight in and shove a cock up there, a finger will do for now : ) (although I imagine the giant stick you have rammed up there must be doing a pretty good job.)

‘’There is a great deal of evidence that homosexual orientation is something that is acquired or learned.’’

No. Just no. It’s not, never has been and never will be A FUCKING CHOICE.

Not only does the text condemn homosexuals, it also condemns those who “not only continue to do these very things, but also approve of those who practise them”.

That’ll be me and pretty much every other freethinking, rational and right-minded individual on the planet. Fuck me, heaven’s going to be pretty empty at this rate. Jesus, Nicky and some really uptight Christians. Sound like an eternal paradise to me.

Faith is a powerful and wonderful thing. But this isn’t Faith. This is a rotten, cult of personality at work. It’s the view and idea of Jesus, through the spiritual conduit of Nicky Gumbel. If you are looking for Him, find God on your own terms, not through this abhorrent arsehole.

This isn’t an attack on faith or those who have it. This is an attack on inequality. We can’t sit quietly and let things like this happen just because it’s part of someone’s religious beliefs, especially when they try inflicting their outdated and embarrassing views on the rest of us through laws and legislations. I don’t think I’ll ever understand the mind of someone who accepts these views as part of their faith. Someone who, outwardly has no malice towards gay people, but who will condemn them all the same because their big, scary god says so in some ancient text (this is 2009, right?) I don’t for one millisecond give a shit as to what your god thinks, why can’t you use your own critical thinking skills and realise how obscene your views are?

Equality. It’s a basic right. I pity those who deny it in others. Today’s events regarding Amazon show us that it’s still a spectre that looms in the background. There is no secret agenda* at work. No evil, secular movement trying to corrupt you. When you peel away all the layers, this is about love. And anyone who judges someone by who they fall in love with is a very small person indeed.

*(Although there is an idiot agenda at work and it goes by the name of the National Organisation for Marriage……or NOM. You can view the good work they do here):

I do love how they are called NOM, as it makes me think of NOM NOM NOM and the always entertaining LOLCATS. So what better way to leave you then with one of their perals of wisdom………..I CAN HAS GAISEX?